I just don't understand why we can't go back to when people worked for what they had took pride in it and you could trust the person living next door. Doesn't anyone want to feel the awesome feeling of accomplishment? I love to be able to look back on my life and see how I have grown as a person through the few successes and many failures I've had. I know it sucks to fail but that's how things evolve into better things! And when you succeed.. The fact that you worked so hard for it makes it that much sweeter! This whole get something for nothing thing is going to be the end of our society and it's unfortunate.

Playing catch up.

It's so crazy to think about how much things have changed since I've written in this blog... Since 2009 I have gotten a divorce from Dustin after a very long time of heart ache and worry for willows happiness. I never thought that I would ever get a divorce. especially because I truly felt like Dustin was my soul mate. But after seeing the way he acted after we decided to have a child I know I did the right thing. Even if it did hurt.
He started seeing other women and staying out late. He was working at a bar at the time so he thought that gave him an excuse which it didn't. He started treating me like every thing he was doing was my fault. He told me that he was staying out late because i was driving him crzy. All i wanted from him was to be a part of the family we made together. I should have known that he wasn't ready for a child. How would I know that when we tried to get pregnant with for 6 months before I finally got pregnant.
It took everything I had to come to the conclusion that taking willow away from the dysfunction was better for her then us staying there even if that did mean she would be from a broken home.
A few months after willow and I moved back in with my mom I met an old friend from middle school. At the time he was going through the exact same thing with his wife. Only thing different was that they had not had a biological child together instead they adopted a baby boy that a women was planning on just leaving at the hospital. His wife had been coming back and forth and kept running out on him with his son and even though he still signed the adoption papers on him because he loved him already.
When we met it was so easy to talk to him because I felt like he and I could relate to each other. We formed a very strong friendship and kept each other going through the stressful times. After a while it just turned into more then that and we moved in together. He was so great with willow and treated her like she was his own. Since willows father was not coming around I loved that for her!
Shortly after we moved into our house I found out I was pregnant. From that exact moment it felt like things just clicked! We became the strongest family anyone could ever imagine! I can't even think of a better father for my kids! On December 24th of 2011 I had a little brown haired blue eyed girl and named her Meadow Elizabeth Hulsey.
Now Jesse and I are planning a wedding for next spring and it's the most overwhelming experience! Since I stay at home with the girls now instead of working all I can think about is what if I spend all of this money on this day that is supposedly to be the day of my dreams and it just isn't what I dream it to be. I worry about what our finances will look like after this and if Jesse will be able to make enough to support us. He has done a wonderful job so far but we have had some very stressful times. I guess everyone has those worries sometimes though. We'll see how it all plays out.

Todays norm.

I am starting this blog in order to get my thoughts out. Its torture keeping them all in.

On October 14, 2009 I had the most beautiful girl i've ever laid eyes on. I named her Willow Elise LuVisi. Right before her 1 month bday my husband decided that he wasn't happy anymore and decided to move out. I feel like that is the ultimate unforgivable thing... walking out on your wife and your new born child.

In his mind he has done nothing wrong. I am always the one at fault. He treats me like im crazy... and maybe i am for wanting to keep my family together.

In my head i know that i could provide a better life for my baby on my own rather then with him. He is emotionally abusive and an all around hateful person. But i love him... its like something switched in his brain. He went from wanting to do anything for me to hating me and not even caring about our child. Its such a hard decision to make.

He came over last night and we sat and talked and smiled for a bit.. and then i asked him what he spend his last pay check on because he told me he couldnt pay me child support and his answer was bar tabs and going out to eat. That pissed me off... He is obviously selfish. I should just give up. I can do so much better.